A Beautiful Lie
by Snodin
Summary: A sequel to starsofcrystal's "The Switch." Haruka Akiyama has acclimated into the Host Club and has already made a friend in Haruhi. But another Host, Kaoru, finds his own special interest in the new damsel. There's just one problem: Haruka is a boy in disguise.
1. A Sore Topic

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 _ _ **AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ _ _This fanfic is a continuation of the Ouran High School Host Club fanfic,__ "The Switch, _"_ _ _by__ _ _ **starsofcrystal**__ _ _.__ _ _If you want to catch up with the story, please read her submission first.__

 _ _For more information on her, check out her Tumblr, Ao3 and accounts under the same name.__

 _ _This story has been continued with her permission, and various parts are her ideas, or based on them. All credit goes to her for inspiring me to do this.__

 _ _Credit also goes to Funimation for the dubbed version of the anime, from which some dialogue has been taken.__

 _ _.__

 **A BEAUTIFUL LIE**

 **a sequel to starsofcrystal's "The Switch"**

 **Snodin**

 _ _.__

 _ _He was a dead man. Or woman, depending on who you'd ask.__

 _ _All Haruka Akiyama ever wanted to do was to help his sister Mari. After she had recently come out as transgender, both twins would know that life was going to get harder, and hardships were going to start at high school. And sure enough, it only took his sister a few days at Ouran to want to back out due to the harsh bullying of the posh, upperclass brats who saw her as a mere insect in their perfect little worlds. Both Haruka and Mari were born male, and yet they had some feminine features such as soft, thin frames, gentle high-pitched voices, and big captivating eyes; either one of them could pass as a girl, should they choose to. For that reason, and that reason only, did Haruka sign up to take his sister's place at Ouran.__

 _ _And then,__ _they_ _ _came along. The Host Club.__

 _ _Well to be fair, Kaoru happened first,__ _then_ _ _the Host Club. Kaoru was a twin too, of the Hitachiin family, and both he and his brother were part of an elite group of misfit rich kids all banned together to host tea parties, or some silly crap like that, and they called themselves "hosts" for the girls that volunteered to be swooned by them. So naturally, when Kaoru saw a new pretty face in school, he just had to drag "Mari" into his little circle of friends. And it worked out. At first.__

 _ _What happened next should have come as a surprise to no one, and yet it caught Haruka completely off guard: Kaoru started to show signs of affection toward him. After all, Kaoru- as far as everyone knew- was a straight guy, and Haruka, posed as Mari, seemed like a normal and beautiful girl. It seemed natural, didn't it? And yet, it wasn't. It was all based on a lie. Kaoru Hitachiin was falling head over heels for a boy. And no one's told him yet.__

 _ _Yep. Haruka Akiyama was a dead man.__

 _.._

 _.._

Days felt like weeks as I've tried to erase the beach house from my memories, to no avail of course. Getting through classes wasn't so much a problem, but having to sit through Host Club hours felt torturous. There's somewhat of an unwritten rule, you see, that once you've signed up for the club then there's no backing out. No matter how many times I've tried to skip it, someone- either Tamaki, Haruhi, or some fangirl- would drag me back there.

Each day grew more worrisome, as I did everything in my power to not make eye contact with the Hitachiin twins. And I could only imagine how Kaoru felt; he was the one who was being forced to act like nothing happened, while pretending to flirt with his brother Hikaru. The two of them, I swear, gave Oscar-worthy performances; you'd never know if they were having troubles outside the club, they were so good at faking their smiles and giddiness. I envied them for that.

"Mari-chan," peeped a childlike voice, as I was snapped back to reality. "Are you gonna eat that piece of cake?"

I turned from my seat, and there was Honey-Senpai. He was the eldest of the Hosts, and yet you'd never know it by looking at him. I was starting to wonder if the sweets they gave out had some magical age-reversing properties.

"No," I said politely. "Go ahead, Honey-Senpai."

"Thanks!" he cheered, right before he nearly swallowed the piece whole. Poor strawberry shortcake, rest in peace. He was soon joined by three of his fangirls who offered him even more sweets and started to ask him which cake flavor was his favorite. That one conversation alone gave me diabetes.

"Honey-Senpai," said a concerned Haruhi as she approached the elder teen's table with a tray of tea, "you really shouldn't eat so much sweets all the time. You're going to get a cavity."

The boy, shoveling up more and more sugar-filled goodness into his mouth, smiled in reply. "Don't worry, Haru-chan, I always brush my teeth."

And then came the last chew. The chew heard 'round the world. With one small whimper from Honey-Senpai, the entire room turned at attention. The boy was palming the right side of his cheek; something was wrong.

"Uh... Honey-Senpai?" peeped a worried Haruhi. "...Is it...?"

"It's nothing," he quickly denied. But that wasn't going to stop the twins and even Mori-Senpai from carefully examining his mouth. Sure enough, Mori confirmed it: a cavity.

"Tamaki," said the stoic Mori to the club's leader.

Then the next thing I heard was Tamaki announcing to the whole room, "Until Hone-Senpai gets over his cavity, I'm afraid he can't have sweets. Therefore, we'll be supportive and that you kindly refrain from eating snacks in the clubroom until this ordeal is over."

What happened next came straight from a Shakespearean tragedy; Honey-Senpai, despite his teary eyes and pitiful begging, watched in horror as his beloved cousin Mori carried the last of the cakes out of the room. "Please!" the boy wailed, "I'll do anything! Please don't take away my cake!"

"No more cake," said Mori.

Honey-Senpai howled like a mournful wolf, as both his cakes and sanity went flying out of sight. Truth be told, I felt sorry for the little guy, but there was nothing me or anyone could do about it.

Later, I heard from Haruhi that Mori-Senpai confiscated his cousin's luggage bag, knowing he had stacks and stacks of sweets in it. I can only imagine how crushed the little guy was at that moment. Suddenly, my own life didn't seem so rough.

..

Later, back home, I reported the news of the day to my sister in our shared bedroom, like always. "Boy, you should have been there," I chuckled softly as I sat up in my bed next to my twin. "Renge was narrating the whole thing like it was a soap opera, and all the other girls ate it right up."

Mari giggled, "Hey, maybe you and I can switch places once in a while, just so I can get to know these guys a lot more."

"That's a thought," I said as I shuffled my feet. "...But there's one guy you need to watch out for: Kaoru Hitachiin."

"Why? Is he a creeper?"

"No... not really. In fact, he's really nice."

"So, then what's the big deal?"

"Well..." I paused to think of the right words to say. The sad truth was, I didn't know exactly how I felt about the guy. I knew he meant well, and that he was just trying to be a gentleman; but the way he looked at me and spoke my name, it gave me chills. "He's just... different."

"Different, how?" Mari pressed.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as I pulled up my legs and hugged them against my chest. "Well... You remember the beach house story? How he gave me my first kiss escept not really?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, later that night... he kissed me for real."

My sister's eyes were big enough to roll out of her head when she heard this. I thought for sure she'd be horrified, or even disgusted. But her tone was anything but; "Are you kidding me?" she cheered.

I glanced at her darkly. "You're not actually cool with this, are you?"

With her face beaming like a car headlight, she grinned, "My brother got his first kiss by one of the hottest guys in Ouran High! Gawd, I'm really starting to regret switching places with you!"

"Mari! He's a GUY."

"I know! This is amazing!" I swear, she had stars in her eyes.

"It's amazingly creepy!"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Then she gasped. "Did you tell mom and dad yet?"

"HELL NO! I don't need the whole world to know that I kissed a guy on the lips at a ritzy beach house!" My stomach turned as I doubled over in nausea. "Why did I open my big mouth?"

"To me, or to him?"

"STOP IT!"

Mari chuckled impishly. But then she calmed down to rub my back gently. "Don't sweat it, brother. Just tell him you're not into him and I'm sure he'll back off."

"I gotta see him every day. In every class. And in that damn host club." I started to shiver.

"...Hey, calm down Haruka-chan. If it's that bad, maybe I should-"

"No," I shot up in protest. "I can't bear the thought of that perv eyeballing you! I'll talk to him, I promise."

"Okay," she nodded. "Just let me know if things get weird between you too."

I grumbled beneath my breath; how could things possibly get any weirder between us, I wondered?

..

..

Day Two of Honey-Senpai's toothache didn't fair any better than the first. Initially, he tried to... pardon the wording... sweet-talk his cousin into having just a tiny piece of cake, assuring him that his toothache had gone down. Mori replied by shoving a full popsicle in his mouth, triggering a pain that made the boy's face flush blue.

Next he tried to get his own fangirls into sharing some cake with them, but much to his surprise they weren't as gullible as he had thought. They turned tail and ran, declaring, "We're so sorry Honey, but it's for your own good!"

For his third attempt, he went to the one person whose heart bled rivers: Haruhi. Giving her the puppy dog eyes and asking her why God hated him so much was enough to coax her into pulling something out of her pocket.

"Is it a snack?" he said with beaming eyes.

"Yeah," she smiled, as she put the small object in his hand. But as he examined it, he realized that she was giving him a small bar of Kyoto kelp. "It's the same color as chocolate," she explained. He froze stiff and turned white in reply.

Honey-Senpai went on to charm more and more guests for candy and cake, but to no avail. After nearly half an hour of unsuccessful coaxing, he found a corner to crawl into, assumed the fetal position, and cried softly. This antic caused most of the other people in the room to take notice, including some of the hosts. Mori sighed, but remained calm.

Meanwhile, my eyes wandered off and stopped at the doors and noticed that they were ajar. At last, a thought crossed my mind, a way out! I figured, everyone else was too focused on comforting Honey-Senpai, that I could just sneak off and rid myself of these wackos for a while. The tension was getting to be too much, I just had to escape! But as I crept closer and closer to the door, I failed to notice a shadow lurking behind me...

I made it through the door and into the hallway when a small voice from behind stopped me: "Mari-chan?" My skin shivered; I knew that voice. Only one other person called me that, and he was currently going through cake withdrawl. I turned around to face Kaoru. Seeing that pathetic, forlorn look in his eyes made me gulp.

"W...what do you want?" I said softly.

He bravely stepped forward. "I know you're trying to avoid me right now, but I really wish you wouldn't."

I took one step back. "Kaoru..."

"I know I overstepped my boundaries that night, and I'm really, truly sorry for that," he said quickly. "But I just want you to know, I meant no harm. I... I really don't know what came over me. I guess I was just taken by your... Mm," he hummed, glancing away in shame and guilt. "I just want us to be friends again. That's all."

"Kaoru," I said again, but for some reason all my other words were lost. I cursed myself inwardly, knowing that with each passing second I was only hurting him more. Finally, I dug deep and managed to pull something out: "It's not what you think!"

"Huh?" he blinked, his eyes beaming with curiosity.

"Uhh..." I uttered. Damn, if only my mind had subtitles!

"What do you mean? What's not what I think?"

"I... I'm not..."

The door flew open, and out popped the other Hitachiin boy.

"I'M LEAVING!" And with a poof, I was gone. (Actually, I ran so fast you could hardly see me, but you get the idea.)

 _ _Hikaru joined his brother's side, the two of them looking equally perplexed.__

 _" _What was that about?" asked the elder.__

 _" _I have no idea," frowned the younger.__

 _ _Hikaru eyed his brother, who was looking alightly paler than himself. "Are you alright, Kao? You've been looking like someone knocked the wind out of you lately."__

 _ _Softly, the younger twin replied, "I feel like she did."__

 _ _Hikaru could only frown in concern.__

..

"You have to tell him."

I know I didn't just hear that. In fact, I bursted out laughing, surprising the both me and my sister. I'm not sure if the entire household heard it, but it's very likely it did. After about a minute of howling laughter, I finally composed myself, took deep breaths, and sighed, "...What?"

"You have to tell him the truth, Haruka-chan, that you're a guy."

I blinked. I blinked again. My mouth went crooked. Was she being serious? "Are you being serious right now?" I said aloud.

Mari, in a very unusual serious manner, gave me a nod. "It's not fair to him. He thinks you're avoiding him for the wrong reasons."

"Right," I nodded sarcastically. "I'll just walk up to him, pull up my skirt and say, 'Surprise, sucka!' And he'll be all like, 'Ah-ha-ha, you got me! Good one, bro!' And we'll all live happily ever after. The end." I threw myself onto the bed, lying face-up at the blank ceiling, and let out a big melencholy sigh.

I saw my sister's face loom over mine. "Are you gonna keep it a secret all the way up to your wedding day?"

"That's not funny, sis."

"I'm not joking. Are you?"

I palmed my eyes. "I'm not marrying the guy! Ugh! I barely even know him."

"But you obviously care about him enough to worry about his feelings..."

"If I tell him, he'll not only hate me, he'll tell the whole school! My life will be ruined forever- No, YOUR life will be ruined forever! They all think I'm you, remember?"

My sister shrugged. "I'm turning into a girl anyway, so what's the problem here?"

I knew right then that she was only half serious, that deep down she too was scared. But she wanted me to be happy- for Kaoru to be happy. And, I'd admit, she was right about me being honest to at least the one person who wanted to be my friend.

"You're the second person this week to tell me that."

"Who else said it?"

"Haruhi."

"Well, we girls are geniuses." She bopped my nose.

I groaned. I didn't care about whether girls were geniuses or not, I just wanted to know what was the least painful way to die.

..

..

The following day, I walked into the music room- sorry, the "host clubroom"- to find my new friends all gathered around Honey-Senpai and Mori-Senpai as they sat up on the cold, rose-colored floor. I could tell by the looks of their faces that something big had gone down. Honey-Senpai was cuddling with his cousin, mumbling something about brushing his teeth and that he loved "Takashi."

Curious, I approached the group and boldly asked, "What just happened?"

"Oh!" grinned Hikaru. "You just missed all the action!"

I glanced at the tallest of the hosts, whose face was slightly bruised. "Mori-Senpai? Are you alright?"

"Allow me to explain," said Kyoya-Senpai, the club's vice-president. "Mori-Senpai blamed himself for Honey-Senpai's predicament; he had forgotten to remind Honey-Senpai to brush his teeth every night, and felt badly enough to want to be punished for it."

"Basically," Hikaru added, "he let Honey-Senpai lose his temper, and he hit him."

"Oh," I gasped. "...But... everything's okay now?"

"Yeah," smiled the Twins. "Honey-Senpai understands now that Mori-Senpai meant well," said Hikaru. "And," Koru added, "he promised him he'll take better care of his teeth."

I then glanced over at Tamaki, who for some reason was rubbing his left hand wrist. "...And what's with you?"

"Oh," blushed Tamaki in embarassment, "let's just say Honey-Senpai confused my arm for a piece of candy."

"Huh..." I mused. "...All of this, because of a toothache."

"It's more than that," Tamaki retorted; "this is about Mori-Senpai's devotion to his cousin. You see they've always been close, and Mori-Senpai feels that he has an obligation to take care of Honey-Senpai."

"Because he's bigger?" I blinked.

"Because they're family," smiled Tamaki sincerely.

As I watched the two cousins embrace, I realized something: the Host Club was more than just a circle of dim-witted friends, it was like a family. And they've welcomed me into it with open arms, while I hadn't yet returned the favor. It compelled me to step forward and address the group: "Guys?" They turned to me in silent curiosity. "I think I'm starting to get why this club is so important to everyone. You're all so close, and... and, I've only been close to one person my whole life. I, I think I'm ready to take the next step."

"What're you saying, Mari?" blinked Haruhi.

I gave her a big smile, which carried on to the whole club. "I'd like you all to meet my sister."

.

 ** **TBC****


	2. Brothers and Sisters

__.__

 **Chapter 2: "Brothers and Sisters"**

.

Clothes. Clothes everywhere. On the floor, around the furniture, flying through the air, all in a tangled mess, as Mari- the real Mari- frantically tore through all of her outfits, both masculine and feminine, in her dresser drawers, shouting, "What do I wear? What do I wear!? Ugh, nothing I have is fancy enough, or sparkly enough, or expensive enough!"

I watched silently as my sister went into full panic mode; even her hair, which was usually dolled up and topped with a bow or barrete of some kind, was disheveled. A yerllow skirt met with my face, and I sighed in frustration. "It's not like you're meeting the Emperor, sis."

"I MIGHT AS WELL BE!" she shouted, her voice charging through my core. "We're talking about the most popular, most attractive, most filthy-rich people in all of Japan! And you told them about MEEEEEEE?"

"Relax!" I smiled weakly, my hands waving her down. "These guys aren't like those other rich brats, they're really nice. And it's only for the afternoon, it's not like they're coming to live here or anything."

"OHMYGOSH! Where did Mom and Dad hide the chinaware? We need to hire a butler, stat! Wait, we can pay our neighbor to do it. We'll have to get new drapes; the velvet kind! We gotta get new carpet, new tablecloths, a chandelier-"

I firmly placed my index finger on her lips, and all was quiet at last. "You're worrying too much. Trust me, sis, these guys will like you. They'll like us."

Mari took a few seconds to slow her breathing, then exhaled, "You sure?"

"I've seen how they are with Haruhi, and she lives in an apartment. We'll be fine."

She groaned as a chill ran up and down her spine- I saw it with my own eyes. "You better not have told them about my real gender, Haruka-chan. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to tell anyone outside the family."

"I told them you were my sister. That's all they need to know."

"Good! I still have time to get to the mall and get something really snazzy. You stay here and entertain them while I do that." She then looked down on the watch on her wrist. "It's twelve o'clock now, I should be back in about three hours just in time for afternoon tea."

Screeeeeech! -came from outside. Curious, I rushed to the window and looked outward. "Welp," I frowned slightly, "you better sneak out now. They're here."

Mari flushed white all over. "THEY'RE HEEEEEERE?"

..

 _ _Two limosenes pulled up to the Akiyama driveway, one carrying the second and third-year Hosts, the other carrying the first-years. They paused and smiled at the two-story building with white walling, red-tiled roof, windows with small potted plants hanging under them, and a small staircase leading up to the red painted front door.__

 _" _Huh," mused their ring leader. "What a cozy little cottage this is."__

 _" _It's even got a second floor," commented Hikaru. "And a backyard and everything."__

 _" _Yeah," replied Kaoru, "it makes Haruhi's place look like a bunker."__

 _" _I'm right here, you know," grumbled the girl in boy's clothing.__

 _ _The Hosts dressed in casual wear, with the Twins noticeably wearing matching outfits of white dress shirts underneath dark plaid vests and creamy tan khaki pants. No one seemed to question their sudden urge to mirror each other, though it was a bit odd for them to do so outside of school.__

 _ _Kyoya, dressed in a dark short-sleeve shirt, adjusted his glasses while everyone else moved toward the front door. "Let's all try to stay on our best behavior; after all, Mari's sister may enroll into Ouran eventually."__

 _" _Right," smiled Honey with Usa-Chan in tow. "We don't want her to think we're like those snobbish meanies back at school."__

 _" _And if we play our cards right," grinned Tamaki, "then we might be able to encourage her to join our Host Club!"__

 _" _Thought the Impovershed Pity-Case role was taken, Boss," Hikaru snided.__

 _" _I'm still here!" Haruhi growled.__

 _ _Knock, knock!__ -went the door.

I came down the stairs first, wearing a modest pink dress with a skirt cut short from my knees. My legs were already thin and nimble, so there was no need to hide them. As I opened the door, I welcomed each of my guests. After each of them removed their shoes at the doorway, they all took their time to let their eyes widen with wonder at the plain but cozy furniture.

"This is really nice," smilked Honey-Senpai. "Do you get a lot of guests here, Mari-chan?"

"Not always," I said in my usual monotonous voice. "You're welcome to some snacks in the kitchen."

"Where are your parents, Mari?" asked Haruhi.

"Oh, they're both working today. They'll be home later tonight, so we've got this whole place to ourse-"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I heard a frantic voice from the stairs. We all turned to the left to see my sister nearly tumbling down the stairs. Luckily she grabbed the rail at the last second and made a graceful turn around to land on her tippy toes. She was dressed in a lavender kimono with a red-violet sash, her hair wavy and covered in small white flower beads. "Ah," she smiled with a small blush on her face. That's when I noticed just how deep her red lips were, and her bright blue mascars, and her pale facial makeup.

"Ugh, sis, you overdid it," I mumbled while palming my face. I then quickly said aloud, "Everyone, this is my twin sister Haruka."

Mari politely cutsied. "Hello everyone. I am so pleased and honored to meet you all at last."

"The honor is all mine, my dear." Tamaki-Senpai, in his typical flamboyant fashion, dropped to one knee in front of my twin. As he gazed into her eyes, images of red roses and glitter filled the atmosphere. "Haruka Akiyama. I must say, that is the most beautiful name to ever grace my ears." He reached out to touch her hand. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Tamaki Suoh, the Prince of Hosts, and your humble serv-"

Suddenly, the littlest Host jumped in front of Tamaki, cutting off his charming speech and disintegrating the roses and glitter much to his disdain. "Hi there, Haruka! My name is Mitskuni Haninozuka, but my friends call me Honey!"

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Honey-Senpai," Mari replied with a pleasant grin.

"May I call you Ruka-chan for short?" asked the bubbly little blonde. "I'd call you Haru-chan, but that name's already taken."

"Ruka-chan is just fine by me."

"A-HEM!" coughed Tamaki-Senpai rudely. "As I was saying... My dear princess, long have I waited for this moment to arri-"

"This is my cousin Takashi! Our friends call him Mori."

"Hey," said the giant, stoic teen.

"Hello," waved Mari.

"Grrr," snarled Tamaki-Senpai before going back into his routine. "I am so honored and humbled to have you in our presence, my dear. And as Host Club president, I am-"

"My name is Kyoya Ootori," said the raven-haired teen with the thin glasses nearby. At this point, Tamaki-Senpai's hair started to spike and his teeth grinded into fangs. "It's so nice to meet you, Miss Akiyama."

"Same here, Kyoya-Senpai."

"As I said, before I was rudely interrupted," growled Tamaki-Senpai, "I am more than happy to introduce you to my faithful subje-"

Suddenly, a pair of identical redheads popped up in between Tamaki-Senpai and Mari. **"Hi, we're the Hitachiin brothers!"** "I'm Hikaru." "And I'm Kaoru."

Tamaki was livid. "STOP CRAMPING MY STYLE, YOU GUYS!"

Mari couldn't help but giggle, before turning her attention to the middle-sized figure by the doorway. It was a tomboyish teen with a sense of femininity in his eyes. "And let me guess, is that Haruhi-Senpai?"

Tamaki, still reeling from the previous interruptions, turned to his darling "daughter." "Well? Would you like to introduce yourself, or are you waiting for me to start up my monologue again?"

Haruhi sighed as she entered the room. "No need, Senpai. Hello, Miss Akiyama, I'm Haruhi Fujioka."

Mari quickly took the tomboy's hand and shook it wildly. "I am so pleased to finally meet you! All of you! My sister Mari just can't stop bragging about how awesome you all are at the school! And all of the fun you guys have, dressing up in costume and how you're really a girl in disguise!" Before Haruhi could react, Mari pulled her in and whispered coyly, "Don't worry. You're secret's safe with me." Then she winked, making Haruhi cringe.

It was then time for the Twins to reveal the real reasoning behind their matching outfits; they stepped forward and stood side to side like soldiers glued to the hip while Mari looked on in wonder. "So," smiled Hikaru, "we've heard you had a twin sister, Mari..."

"...but we didn't expect her to look so... unique," Kaoru tried to compliment while being slightly distracted by Mari's over-the-top makeup.

Mari blushed, "Hahahahaha! I do try my best to look good for the boys. Let's see..." She pointed to the boy on her right. "You are Hikaru, right?"

The Twin boys gave each other an impish smirk. "We'd hoped you'd ask that," said the boy on her right.

"We came up with a very special game for newcomers," said the boy on the left.

Haruhi's eyes narrowed. "Oh no, not this again."

The two redheads reached into their vests, and pulled out plaid berets that had the same plaid marking. After placing the hats on their heads, they spun around each other faster than Mari's poor innocent eyes could keep up. When they stopped, their bangs securely hidden away, they both declared with Cheshire cat smiles: **"It's called, 'The Which One Is Hikaru Game!'"**

"Oh!" blinked my sister in surprise. "...Is there a special prize if I win?"

"Hee-hee-hee!" giggled the boy on the left. "You hear that, brother? She honestly thinks she can win this."

"She's free to give it a shot," the boy on the right replied.

"Guys, come on," frowned Haruhi condescendingly. "Give her a chance to-"

"No, no! It's okay, I like a challenge." Mari's teal eyes darted left and right in amazement; same noses, same eyes, same mouths, same ears. It was as though she was looking at a two-way mirror. "Um... uh..." she softly squeaked, as her hands balled up in nervous fists against her pounding chest. "I... This isn't fair, I've only just met you two!"

"We understand if you give up," said one of them slyly.

"Not many people have beaten us at this game," gloated the other one.

This was harder than Mari had anticipated; even the tones of their voices were similar! How was she failing so badly, she wondered? She was a twin, after all, surely she could figure this out! ...But no, The Hitachiins were just too damn good at this game. It was as if they were born to play it, like they've practiced it their whole lives. Finally, Mari thrusted her fists downward and declared, "I'd like to put the game on pause for now!"

" **WHAAA?"** the Twins boomed in surprise.

"What I mean is," explained their new friend, "I don't feel like I can give a proper answer right now, so I'd like for you guys to give me some more time to figure it out on my own. You can keep your hats on, until I've reached a decision."

" **But that's cheating!"** they exclaimed together.

"Is it?" grinned the girl, nearly winking at them playfully. "You never said this game had a time limit, now did you?"

Eyes bulged and jaws on the brink of falling, Hikaru and Kaoru turned to each other in perplexion. Then they turned around in a half huddle. "What do you think?" whispered Hikaru (the one on the left) to Kaoru (the one on the right). "Should we just tell her who we are?"

Kaoru whispered back, "Let's just play along for now. We're not gonna be here all day."

His mirror nodded, "Fine."

They both turned back to the girl and unisonly relplied, **"Okay, we'll pause the game for now."**

"Yes!" cheered Mari.

"But!" pointed the boy on the right. "You have to give us an answer by the time we leave."

"Otherwise," smiled the boy on the left, "we'll count it as a victory for us."

" **Agreed?"**

"Agreed," Mari nodded.

I stood nearby, watching in awe as my better half found a way to get past the Twins' coy game, and in record time! So impressed was I, that a thought started to slip into my head. Unbeknownst to me, a devilish grin began to creep across my face.

..

..

As planned, the group of us walked about the neighborhood. Mari was carrying a picnic basket for us to take advantage of later on at lunchtime, she had already picked out a spo for us in the local park. Before then, however, we did a makeshift tour of the local buildings- the theatre, the public pool, the outside food market. Everywhere they turned, the Twins pulled out their cell phones to take pictures of what they considered novelties, with the label "#CommonerLife."

"Hey, Haruka! Come get in some of these shots with us!" Kaoru called out.

As Mari took his invitation, I took a moment to lean into Haruhi. "Say, don't those two look kind of cute together?" I whispered in her ear.

She glanced over at the Twins taking a selfie with Mari in front of a fountain and shrugged, "I guess so."

"You think Kaoru likes my sister?"

"It's really not my place to... Wait." She stopped and looked me in the eyes, her dark brown hues glaring into mine judgementally. "You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?"

"Just think about it," I smiled softly while balling my fists in excitement. "If I can get those two to hang out together more, then maybe they'll start to really like each other. And then Kaoru can forget all about me, and then I don't have to worry about having to shoot him down."

Haruhi's judgemental eyes glared all the more. "If you don't like him in that way, then just say so. I'm sure he can handle it."

"You don't know that," I said as my head shrunk into my shoulderline. "What if his brother beats the crap out of me? What if they find out I'm a guy and then they both beat the crap out of me?"

"It'll be your fault for letting this thing go on for so long."

"Oh, come on! I thought you were on my side here!"

My shouting caught the attention of one Kyoya Ootori, who strolled up to us and inquired, "Is something wrong, you two?"

"Oh, nothing!" I said rather quickly, hiding behind a fake grin. "We were just debating on whether we should eat at the park, or at the food court."

" **Commoners get their own food court!?"** cheered the Twins excitedly.

"No!" snapped Mari, who jumped in between me and the Twins. "We've decided on the park; it's quiet, and there's nature there. It'll be peaceful and nobody will bother us."

Kyoya nodded. "I agree with Haruka; we don't want to cause a scene when the commoners realize we're here."

"Eh, heh-heh. Fine," I said in a defeated tone. "The park it is."

"Awww," moaned Hikaru. "But I wanted to see what the commoners eat."

"Don't worry," smiled Mari. "I've already got something you'll all enjoy."

..

..

Well, I would have liked to say that lunch went without a hitch; unfortunately, Mari never took into account that our rich friends had never before laid their eyes on hamburgers and french fries. We all sat in a circle under a tree in the park, as butterflies danced by, while the rich kids all stared blankly at the concoction of food that lay before them.

"So... uh... where are the forks and knives?" peeped Tamaki nervously.

"Oh, we don't need them," smiled Mari sweetly.

" **What?"** gasped Hikaru and Kaoru. "You mean to tell us," "we're supposed to eat this with our hands?"

"Of course. Consider it 'The Commoner way.'"

The redheads cringed while shuddering, but Tamaki and Kyoya-Senpai looked to each other with the same baffled expressions. "I suppose we could wash our hands afterwards?" asked the Host King.

"Or," suggested Kyoya-Senpai, "we could use the napkins as guards for our hands."

"Mmmm-MM!" hummed Honey-Senpai, as he, Mori-Senpai and Haruhi were already chowing down on their burgers. "This is greay, you guys! What're you waiting for?" mumbled the littlest Hosts, while his younger friends looked on in disgust and horror.

Just when things couldn't get any more awkward, **BAM!** A football (soccer to you Americans) came flying out of nowhere, smaking the back of my head and causing me to fall face first into my ketchup-heavy cheeseburger.

" **Mari-chan!"** cried out Hikaru and Kaoru.

The group stood up to catch sight of a few young boys running around in high socks and spiked shows nearby, calling out to us. "I thought this place was reserved," muttered Kyoya-Senpai.

"I'm sorry," pleaded Mari in embarassment. "I keep forgetting that this is where the local football teams meet up."

Tamaki rolled up his sleeves. "Those punks! We'll teach them not to mess with our princesses! Come on, boys!"

As Tamaki led the march into battle, which I would later learn turned into a football match, Mari picked me up and dusted off my dress, which was now muddied with ketchup. "Oh, dear. Come on, sis, let's get you home and cleaned up."

Not having much options, I followed her lead.

..

..

Immediately, I hit the shower. Having hot water pour on my face seemed to erase any tensions I had earlier. In fact, I was so relaxed that when I got out, I changed into my resgular boy clothes while Mari stood in the hallway.

"You sure you want to do that?" she asked, peeking in to see me in denim pants.

"Why not?" I shrugged. "I figure they'll be at it for a while. Then they'll get tired and call it a day." It got quiet between us before I started to ask, "Say Mari... You like the Hitachiin boys, right?"

She shrugged. "They're nice."

"What about Kaoru? You think he's cute?"

"I think they're all cute... And actually, I think Haruhi makes for a really cute boy."

"Haruhi?" I gasped as I peeked my head out from my doorway. "But she's... you're... I'm confused."

"Why do you ask?" she inquired with a gleam of curiosity in her teal eyes.

"Well, I thought... I mean... Kaoru's a good guy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And... I think you two would..." I stopped talking once the sound of the front door opening reached my ears. "That's Mom and Dad," I guessed. "I should tell them about the guys."

I started down the stairs, ignoring my sister's worried cry; "Haruka-chan, wait! What if it's not...?"

…..Mom and Dad?

No.

It wasn't Mom and Dad.

It was the Host Club. They were back from walloping the local football team. And there I was, in my regular boy shirt and pants.

I stood there, frozen in time, my jaw slot open and my eyes fully white. My skin was flushing a shade of blue, and my limbs felt numb. I don't know if I was sweating or not, but I'm sure that if I was, it poured out in torrents.

This was it. I've been caught. I was dead!

"M- Mari-chan?" peeped a confused and paled Kaoru.

Oh God, I prayed inwardly. Make this a bad dream. Please, wake me up. Wake me up, wake me up, wake me up, wake me up, wake me up, wake m-

"Oh Haruka-chan, you forgot your wig...!" squeaked my sister as she started down the stiars with her hair wrapped up in a towel. I could tell she had something planned, as she hadn't even jumped into the shower yet. Staring blankly at the eyes of the Hosts, she bravely gulped hard. "Oh... Well. I guess there's no point in hiding it now. You all deserve to know the truth, so here goes. ...ahem... Everyone, my sister Haruka is really my brother."

"Huh?" they all blinked at her.

"My sis—brother... is transgender."

"Wait," peeped Kaoru, who was looking all too relieved, "so you're Mari-chan?"

"Yes," she nodded truthfully, though it was sort of a lie.

"And," pointed Hikaru to me, "that's really a guy?"

I gulped in response. I had no idea what to do, or what was really going on, but my clever sister worked it out while I stood frozen.

"You see," she explained, "my twin has always identified as a female, even when we were just toddlers. Our parents already know, that's why they let him put on a wig and dress up like a girl." Her eyes turned away, as she was clearly still embarassed with telling her own true story. "In fact, the reason why he couldn't afford to go to Ouran was because our parents are saving up enough money for... a sex-change operation."

"Oooh," mouthed most of the Hosts, though Tamaki-Senpai still looked puzzled. "So, so wait," he muttered, "he's a guy, but not a guy, more like a girl-guy, but then he'll turn into a girl, so he'll be a girl-girl?"

"Try not to think too hard about it, Tamaki," said Kyoya-Senpai, "you'll brain will collapse."

Mari blushed shyly, but smiled. "Hmm. I know this all seems strange. It took me a while to get used to it, I'll admit. But I love my brother- my sister. And I fully support her decision. And if the rest of you don't like it... well... then I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore."

"Hold on," said Haruhi. "We never said we disliked you guys. It's unusual, yes, but you're allowed to be whoever you are. That's what my parents always told me."

"Yeah!" cheered Honey-Senpai with his signature wide smile. "We're okay with it, right Takashi?"

"Mm-hmm," nodded the stoic giant.

Then Kyoya-Senpai smiled, "It's not up to us to judge this situation; after all, we're all a little odd in our own ways."

"Yeah," nodded Hikaru. "And Tamaki-Senpai is the weirdest one of us, and he's the Boss!"

"Yup," echoed Kaoru.

"That's ri-HEY!" barked Tamaki-Senpai.

Mari's smile grew in confidence, and tears slowly began to well up in her eyes. "So... you're all okay with this?"

"Of course we are," replied Tamaki-Senpai in a genuine tone.

Mari's eyes, which were now slightly veridian, bubbled with tear-filled delight, and her face beamed. "You guys... you really are the sweetest bunch ever! I'm so glad to know you all!"

With my body still numbed by my shock, I couldn't feel the weight of the group surrounding me as the Hosts all gathered around to give me and my sister a big, warm hug. Even as they pulled away and gave me space, I was still unable to move or feel. But at least with Mari nearby, I managed to move my mouth a little: "Wh-what... just happened?"

"Relax," she whispered in my ear. "They still think I'm you and you're me. Remember?"

"...oh... right..." It was slowly sinking in now; my sister came out to our new friends, though they still didn't have the full story. To them, I was still Mari and still a true-blue female. I was still "normal" in their eyes. Which meant... I wasn't a dead man after all. "Mari... You lied for me?"

She looked me deep in the eyes. "Your lie is not mine to tell, brother." She then gave me a small peck on the cheek and walked back upstairs.

I began to feel blood pumping in my veins once again. At long last, I relaxed my muscles, leaned up against the wall, and breathed my first breath.

..

A few minutes later, it was sundown. I had already switched back into my female persona while the others were distracted, slipping into a pale pink sleeveless dress with a red hem and red slippers, while brushing my hair straight back to make it look extended. Afterwards I went to my backyard to water the flowers. We had a small but bright little garden of lavender and lilacs, plus a few jasmine trees and yellow rose bushes. I myself had helped my mom to arrange them, and was quite proud of it. Though I hadn't thought of showing them to my new friends until that very moment, when I heard footsteps coming up from behind.

I turned around, lowering the hose, and who should it be than Kaoru Hitachiin? He was still wearing that silly plaid beret, though it seemed he was done playing the guessing game. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey there," I nodded.

He glanced over at my garden arrangement. "...Nice flowers. You grew those?"

"Nah," I said nonchalantly. "My mom bought them, I helped plant them."

"Ah..." He shuffled his feet. "So... your sister's- b-brother's- whatever..."

"Sister."

"Yeah. She's... quite the character, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

"Really brave of her to come out like that to all of us. Even though you did all of the talking."

My brain froze for a moment; he did still think my name was Mari, right? "Uh... Heh-heh. Yeah," was all I could say about that.

"I dunno if I could ever be like that," he frowned. "I mean, telling everybody your deepest, darkest secret. You'd just never know how that would turn out."

"Uh-huh..." Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. "Do you have a super-kept secret, Kaoru?"

"Who me?" he quickly responded while his body stiffened a bit. "No! No way, I've got nothing to hide. What you see is what you get."

"Huh." I could tell he was lying, but I didn't feel like pressing him. "Well, I guess you guys will be leaving soon, huh?"

"Yeah, the Boss is packing up a few souvenirs he bagged at the shopping plaza. But I... w-well, I just came by to ask you... if you and I are okay now."

"Sorry?"

"I mean, yesterday when you told me that it wasn't what I think, I took that as a sign that you finally forgave me for being so forward before. You know... at the beach house?"

"Huh?" For a monent, I had forgotten all about that incident. It was clearly eating him up inside, and I just had to ease his fears or else he'd never let it go. So I shrugged and calmly said, "Sure, we're good now."

"Really?" I swear, he never looked so happy as he did right then and there, as though a whole planet was listed off his shoulders. "Aw man, I'm so glad to hear that! Does this mean you'll let Hikaru and I host you from now on?"

This intrigued me; until now I hadn't had any special treatment from any particular Host. All I did was wander around the room and focused only when something particularly goofy was going on. "You... want me to join your fanclub?"

"Why not? You'll get front row seats to our dirty little conversations. The other girls eat it right up!"

"Uh, I dunno..."

"Aw come on, it's fun! Just watching their reactions is worth the ticket price. And, we promise we won't go overboard with our antics, so you won't feel uncomfortable. What do you say, Mari-ch-... Oh. You don't like that, do you? Too personal?"

"Just a bit."

He smiled widely and extended his hand. "Friends?"

I accepted his hand into mine. "Friends."

As we shook on it, another crack at the back door was heard. Out popped my sister, who knew right away that the boy I was conversing with had to be Kaoru. And just like that, we both heard her shout, "A-HA! So you're the one who's not Hikaru!"

As if it were a reflex, Kaoru's beret popped right off his head, exposing the parted bangs on the left side (from my perspective) of his head. With that, his eyes bugged and his smile was replaced by a mortified look. As he turned around to face the feminine boy in the doorway, those same eyes flashed to white, and his teeth suddenly grew into fangs. "You... You... Dirty CHEATER!"

"Eep!" squeaked the real Mari, and escaped back into the house with a furious, red-faced and fanged Kaoru right behind.

..

Their chase continued in the living room with the others present, and the two of them started to circle the center of the room while somehow kicking up clouds of dust.

"What's going on?" asked Hikaru, who was still in character for the guessing game.

He heard his brother's voice howl, "SHE CHEATED! SHE GUESSED WHO I WAS WHILE I WAS TALKING TO MARI-CHAN!"

Like Kaoru's, Hikaru's own beret popped off his head like a cork from a champagne bottle. His expressions then mirrored his twin's, as the two of them began to circle after Mari, who was now giggling in feindish delight. **"YOU LITTLE BRAT! GET BACK HERE! WE'RE GONNA CUT HOLES IN ALL YOUR DRESSES AND SELL THEM ON EBAY!"**

As I peeked into the room, I stood beside Haruhi, who looked at me and frowned, "Guess your plan to hook your sister up with Kaoru is a bust now, huh?"

I sighed in defeat. "I guess..."

The chasing and shouting went on a few minutes more, with the Twins' threats muddling against each other while the rest of the gang watched in mild amusement.

"Should we break them up?" asked Tamaki-Senpai.

"In a minute," replied Kyoya-Senpai. "This chapter's just about over."

.

 ** **TBC****

"Told you."

.


	3. Tsundere 101

.

 **Chapter 3: "Tsundere 101"**

.

It was a beautifully warm day, and the Host Club decided to take their antics outside into the school's gardens. There the boys (and one girl) dressed in traditional kimonos to give off an old-timey atmosphere. As I had promised, I stayed with Hikaru and Kaoru's group, but I had no idea what they had planned for us. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

The boys were playing an old traditional game of matching seashells, Kaoru being the player at the time, while us fan "girls" watched. I wasn't sure if he lost yet another on purpose or not, but it led into Hikaru claiming, "You should go easy on him, princesses. Kaoru cries like a baby when he loses."

"Hikaru!" yiped Kaoru in feigned embarassment. "I do not, you liar!"

"Oh, so you're denying it then?" cooed Hikaru as his gaze turned lustful. "What about those times when you have to play our punishment games?"

"But that's 'cause you... always..." Kaoru's rant was cut short as Hikaru's hand carassing his chin caught him by surprise. Following Hikaru's hand, his head tilted back to expose his neck.

Playfully, or cruelly, Hikaru's finger started to trace upward toward Kaoru's chin while he trembled. That alone made my own skin crawl; how could he even think to be in such an awkward position, and with his own brother? "Yuck," I muttered. My fellow fangirls, however, were all heart-eyed and pleaded, "What? 'Always' what?"

"Hikaru," begged Kaoru in his false insecurity, "don't tell them."

The slightly older redhead pulled his twin close, breathing on his neck, and whispered, "Don't worry, dear brother, our secret's safe. For now."

Again, I shuddered. This was all getting way too uncomfortable for me. I needed some air. "Excuse me, fellas," I said as I rose to my feet.

"Aw," frowned one of the clients, "where're you going, Mari-chan? It was just getting good!"

"I need some refreshments," was my reply.

" **We can get you some,"** the boys insisted.

"No thanks," I declined the redheads. "I'll just head over to Honey-Senpai's corner." As I walked off, I failed to see the disappointed looks on the Twins' faces.

On my way, I caught a glimpse of the club's self-imposed manager, Renge Houshakuji, playing referee to a game of crochet with her fellow classmates. There really is no need for a referee in that game, but perhaps the otaku just wanted to make herself useful. One of them whacked the ball so hard that it nearly knocked my head off. I ducked in the nick of time, causing the ball to fly into the nearby stream which disrupted Kyoya and his clients.

"That's a foul! Foul ball!" screamed Renge into a megaphone she had. She raced to me and panted, "Are you okay, Mari-san? I saw you nearly get killed by that ball."

"I'm fine," I replied while dusting off dirt from my dress hem. "Aren't you guys doing the Ancient Japan theme?"

Renge replied with a sigh, "These girls got tired of that theme already; they think the club's running out of ideas. Personally, I don't mind a little exercise now and then."

( _ _Crack__ _,_ went a distant window at that moment, but that's a story for another time.)

"...Hey Renge, I want to ask you something about the Twins."

"Sure, ask away."

"Are you... or anybody... uncomfortable with their Brotherly Love act?"

Her eyes lit up like fireworks. "Are. You. SERIOUS? They're forbidden romance is one of the highlights of the Host Club! How could anybody resist such devotion, such taboo?"

"It kind of irks me a little."

"Then why do you even bother going to their little corner?"

"'Cause I sort of made a promise to Kaoru. He told me I'd be entertained."

"Aaah, I see!" A wily grin crossed her face. "So it's Kaoru who invited you. The plot thickens."

"What plot? There's no plot! I just wanted to be courteous... but now I'm kind of nauseous."

"Are you sure it's nausea," she inquired slyly, "or perhaps jealousy?"

"No way," I shook my head steadily. "As a tsundere, I have standards when it comes to-"

"I'm sorry," she replied coyly, "I had a little wax in my ear. Could you repeat that last part again?"

"As a tsundere, I have-" and that was the last thing I said before Renge let out a profound fit of laughter.

"You? A Tsundere? _Really_?" she bellowed while trying to hold herself lest she fall to pieces laughing. She nearly fell to her knees before she let her lungs let in some air. Then she straightened up and said, "My dear, dear Mari. You are _far_ too kind, too sensitive to ever fit with the Tsundere crowd."

"How do you know?" I dared to ask. Keep in mind that at the time I said this, I knew little about Renge other than her blatant insistance to be the club's manager. I was about to get schooled.

"Come with me." She started walk back toward the school building with her head held high. Uncertain but curious to where this was going, I followed.

.

We found ourselves back in Music Room 3. It was strangely quiet, and with only two people present I realized just how big it was. "Okay," I mused, "we're back in the club room. Now what?"

"I don't usually do this for anybody," said a confident Renge, "but this is a special situation." She clapped her hands twice, and the ground beneath me began to shake. From the floor rose her uncomprehensible Deus Ex Machina, spinning like a spiral with gears jetting out from all angles. She jumped onto its base gear and motioned for me to join her. Though I was nervous, I reluctantly stood beside her on the machine. She clapped twice again, and down we went.

Down...

Down...

Down...

And down some more...

Until at last, we arrived at what appeared to be a bunker- no, more like a cave- built just underneath school grounds. Chandelier and lamp lights flamed on, and my eyes gazed in wonder at the hundreds of stacks of manga, each one in its own special category.

"Behold!" boomed Renge; "My private collection!"

I was dumbfounded; an otaku's paradise planted right underneath an entire high school!? Nevermind the fact that we just went through THREE WHOLE FLOORS OF A BUILDING without notice! I thought I had seen it all until now. "Wha... Where did you... _How_ did you...?" was all I could get out.

Meanwhile, Renge climbed to the top of one particular mountain of manga and opened one of its contents. "Ah, here we are: 'Tsundere'- characters who give off a cold and hostile attitude toward others as a means of hiding their vulnerability or sweet side. A classic romance trope! I've got all the issues of every manga and anime on the subject: 'Bikini Cat-Girl,' 'Romance High,' 'Louisa the Hapless Witch'..." As she started to call out titles, she launched visual novels and DVDs at my feet while I remained quiet and awestruck.

I caught one that would have hit me in the face and groaned, "I don't have time to read any of this."

"Well then," said Renge as she literally skied down the slope of manga (don't ask where she got the skis and poles), "we'll just have to go right to the source!"

"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.

"There are a lot of shy and mean girls at this school," she explained, "and I'm going to show you how they do the trope right! Starting tomorrow, you and I are going on the prowl for the ultimate textbook Tsundere!"

I sighed; suddenly, watching the Hitachiin Twins act out their brotherly love didn't seem so awkward.

..

..

The next day, at lunchtime; while other students gathered to eat, they seemed oblivious to the fact that one of the cafeteria's floral arrangements began to shudder. From behind the potted plant popped our heads, Renge's and mine, as we stared at our quarry from a safe distance.

"Behold," whispered Renge as she focused on one lone girl, "the Tsundere in its natural habitat. Notice how she keeps her eyes to the floor while her Senpai looks on unawares."

As she rambled, I couldn't help but notice our slightly different attire: khaki shirts buttoned up over our school dresses, topped off with classic safari hats. "Why are we wearing these?" I pondered aloud.

" _Ssh, ssh_! Pay attention," hissed my new tutor, as she whipped out a pair of binoculars from behind her back. "You're about to witness classic Tsundere behavior: her prey approaches..."

A girl with short bobbed black hair sitting at a table by herself was the subject of Renge's study. Soon a young man about her age with a blue tint in his spiky hair approached from the side, cooing, "Hey, Ami! What're you doing here all by yourself?"

"I prefer to eat alone," said the girl in a dark, cold tone. "Watching other people eat puts me off my appetite."

"Do you mind if I sit by you?" he asked politely.

"Yes I would," she said as she turned her back to him rudely.

Bravely, the boy leaned forward and smiled, "Aw don't be like that, Ami-kun. I thought you liked me, since we're study partners and all."

"It's just for the sake of passing the grade. Buzz off, Hajime."

"Come on, would it kill you to be just a little more social?" As he said this, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder. A bad move, since it seemed to have caused a small electrick shock in her body. Her eyes lit up with fury, and before he knew it, the boy named Hajime was staring a fanged Ami.

"How many times must I tell you, I don't like being TOUCHED!?"

Splash! The boy's hair and face got hit by a wave of chocolate slushie, stunning him as his classmate stormed off. From her angle, Renge caught a hint of Ami's rosy red cheeks from her binoculars.

"You see that? Did you see?" said Renge excitedly yet still in a whisper. "The Tsundere hides her affections by acting ferocious. Her Senpai is completely fooled by her deception, like a fully-camoflaged stick bug."

"Maybe she doesn't like him as much as you think," I whispered back to her.

"Nonsense," she whispered back, still in character. "Every girl in this school is crazy about somebody, some just hide it better than others."

"I don't think she'd like to be compared to a stick bug, either."

"Is any of this getting through to you, Mari?" she spoke with a louder tone. "Tsunderes are like bugs, bugs that prey on their Senpais with cunning stealth. They mask their true feelings until it's time to pounce!"

"That sounds more like a jaguar... I think I'd rather be called a jaguar."

"TSUNDERES ARE BUGS!"

That loud voice echoed throughout the cafeteria, stopping everyone in their tracks. The two idiots hiding behind the potted plant also froze in terror.

"Moving on!" sang Renge, as she pulled herself and me out of the scene with great speed.

.

Our conversation continued in a long hallway, where one could get a clear view of the school's signature clock tower from the windows.

"Now listen, Mari; there's a reason why Tsunderes are so bug-like."

"Oh boy," I goraned softly. Something inside told me I wasn't going to like what I'd hear, but it turns out that what Renge said next surprised me.

"Think of the butterfly. People like butterflies because they're graceful, and their wings are pretty and colorful. But do you remember how they start out? As small, ugly, hairy caterpillars. Nobody likes caterpillars, because they looks like big, ugly worms... with their hundred legs all crawling at once... Brrr, I get chills just thinking about it." It was true, Renge braced her arms as a cold chill ran up and down her frame in disgust.

I touched my bottom lip as I thought deeply about her words. "...So what you're saying is, Tsunderes are like the caterpillar just before it turns into a butterfly?"

"Yes! Well, no. More like, Tsundrres are butterflies in their coccoon stage. They're the transition before breaking out into big, beautiful maidens. You see, the cold front that they give is like the coccoon's shell, one that only their beloved Senpais are allowed to break. And once he does, then he'll see her for the beauty she's hidden inside."

"Oooh, I get it now! …...So I'm not a stick bug, then?"

"Ugh! You still don't get it," she hissed as her hair devolved into a net of snakes. She calmed herself soon after and explained: "Right now, you're in the caterpillar stage. Your goal is to blend in and not be noticed by your beloved until you think it's the right time. But, before you go gushing out your feelings to him, you must first close up into your shell and pretend to be impossible to reach. Only when your Senpai has admitted his feelings to you do you pop out and blossom into your butterfly form. Tsunderes take their time, they move in stages, you see?"

"Oooh." Perhaps I was feeling a bit dizzy for having skipped lunch that day, but somehow her words were making sense. Still, I felt like there was much more to learn. "Isn't there anybody around here I can emulate, just to get a better feel of what I'm doing right?"

"Hmmm," hummed Renge, pausing to put her own finger to her own bottom lip in deep thought. But then, she snapped her fingers. "I know somebody you can get really close to."

.

"...Kyoya...?"

In Music Room 3, there stood a pink couch in the center with its back turned to Kyoya-Senpai's personal business table. While he tapped away at his laptop in blissful ignorance, Renge and I- still in our safari get-up- crumpled up on the pink couch's matress while peering our heads slightly over its back, staring at him intently.

"Kyoya-Senpai isn't what you'd call a textbook Tsundere," Renge explained in her soft voice, "but he is the one Host that barely gets any clients. There's a certain air of mystery about him; he's quiet, distant, kind of like a lone wolf. All of these are perfect traits for the Tsundere-in-training."

"I see," I whispered back. "So all I have to do is copy him and I'll be good to go?"

"Just don't copy him completely," she warned. "The last thing this club needs is two Kyoyas. Some of us can barely handle even one."

"Hey, what're you two doing?" asked Tamaki as he innocently walked by.

"We're playing safari," I lied. Sort of.

"Oo, can I join?" he smiled in interest.

"You already are," said Renge darkly. "We're the hunters, and you're the rare and endangered rhinocerous. Begone, before we shoot you and steal your horn and sell it on the black market."

"NO! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL IVORY!" he cried out as he ran for it.

"Keep watching him," whispered Renge to me as our eyes fixed on Kyoya. "Let him be your model."

"But all he does is just sit there and calculate. That's... boring."

"It's only a matter of time when he's forced to get up and put the club activities back in order. Trust me, it's routine. And no matter what he says, everyone- even the Twins- heeds his commands."

"Ooh." I was starting to see her point; despite being Vice President of the club, Kyoya-Senpai had more esteem and power than Tamaki. Everyone took him seriously. There had to be a reason for it. Perhaps it was the way he carried himself, or his tone of voice. Whatever it was, he had it and I needed it.

And so I watched, for a whole three hours, of Kyoya-Senpai just fiddling away at his computer, only glancing upward slightly to observe the club for a few seconds before going back to his train of thought. The longer I watched, the more curious I became. No, it was more than that; I was becoming mesmorized.

Some time during my careful observations, Haruhi was minding her own business while carrying a tray of tea when she noticed something shivering behind one of the window curtains nearby. Curious, she dropped her tray on the nearest table and gently pulled the curtain back.

It was Tamaki, shaking like a leaf with a look of fright in his face. He looked up at her from his fetal position and softly begged, "Please don't let me go extinct."

She raised an eyebrow, unsure if he was playing some kind of role-play game, or just off his rocker.

..

..

I took Range's advice a little too well, because instead of just watching him in the club, I convinced myself to follow him all the way to his mansion. Perhaps I was certain that his behavior at home was different than at the school. Or maybe he was even more intense at home. Either way, I had to know.

While he took his limo home, I hopped on the bus that took me to the upperclass side of the city, and from there I walked to the Ootori estate. I was blown away by the shere size of it, to say the least, but I figured that it was too late to turn back now. Stealthily, I crawled up the front lawn (which was its own acre) toward the front windows to see if I could see him from there. Sadly, I had no idea that there would be sprinklers in that lawn, or that they would go off at that very moment.

I let out a scream and started to tapdance around the sudden spouts of water before slipping in mud and falling flat on my back. My sudden burst must have alerted the residence, because it wasn't long before a long, dark shadow fell on me.

"Ms. Akiyama?" he mused.

There I was, lying on my backside with my legs sprawled out like a puppy dog's while the scariest teenager on the planet looked down on me with his ice-cold glare. I wanted to say something, to apologize for my behavior; instead, instinct took over and something else entirely vomited from my mouth: "WAH! I'm not spying! I got lost on my way home! I'm a harmless stick bug!"

He just stood there, silent. He blinked once, which was about all the movement his stone body could muster.

Finally, I calmed myself. "I m-mean... Hi, Kyoya-Senpai. Mind if I visit for a while?"

The older teen smiled in amusement. He must have been used to this sort of nonsensical behavior.

.

Before I knew it, I was sitting beside him on a long comfy couch in his living room, his sister having just served us each a cup of tea. We talked- well, mostly I talked- for what felt like hours, about our personal feelings about the Host Club. But soon enough, I brought up the fact that Kyoya-Senpai was giving off a Tsundere vibe. That seemed to snap him out of whatever deep meditation he seemed to be in. It was when I mentioned him burying himself in his notebook and laptop that he finally spoke up.

"It's not that I dislike the company of others," he began to explain; "it's just that I've always put my personal work before everything else. I'm a businessman first, a Host second."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that. But you have noticed how scared some people are of you, right Senpai?"

"Scared? Really? ...No, I haven't noticed."

"They say your little black book is really just a Death List in disguise."

"I'll take that into consideration. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mari. I'll try to be more welcoming from now on."

"Aw, you don't have to do that, Senpai. Truth is, I kind of find your aloofness to be... how should I put it? ….Endearing?"

His dark eyes softened a bit. Did I strike a nerve with that word? Then he smiled slightly, "Tamaki thinks it's obnoxious of me."

"And what do you say to that?"

"I told him to jump off a roof."

I don't really know why, but I laughed long and loud at that remark. Funny, all this time I knew little to nothing about Kyoya-Senpai, and in just one afternoon I felt like I busted his well-locked door wide open. And all I had to do was stalk him all the way home.

"Aw Geez," I uttered as I glanced at the small clock on the coffee table. "It's late, I really ought to get home."

"That would be wise," smiled the raven-haired Host. "I'm glad we had this talk, Mari. Perhaps we should do it again sometime."

"Yeah, yeah... That'd be fun, I guess." I rose to my feet and headed for the front door, waving, "See you tomorrow."

"Take care, Haruka."

"You too, Senpai." I was halfway out the front door, when my brain finally processed what just happened. As the color washed away from my face in horror, I slowly turned around, eyes bulged and mouth gaped. "...did...you...just...call me...Haru-ka?"

"Did I?" The bespectacled teen gave a coy smile. "Oops. I didn't mean to let that slip."

Or, did he? That's what I pondered as I slinked back into the living room to face him head on. Though my pulse was rushing at lightning speed and I began to sweat profusely, I tried to give him a threatening glare. "How did... _When_ did you know? Was it that time we were at my house and you saw me in my boy clothes?"

"Oh, heavens no." He adjusted his glasses a bit, a shine from which blinded me for a split second. "I've known from the moment you walked into the music room."

"Wha... What?" I couldn't feel my jaw anymore; perhaps it was lying somewhere on the floor.

"If there's one thing you must know about me, Haruka, is that I'm very interested in people. After your sister enrolled into Ouran Academy, I made it a point to do a full background check on her and her family. That's how I learned about you, and your fierce devotion to her. Though I must admit, it did take me a while to distinguish the two of you at first. You do a very good job of copying your sister's mannerisms and voice. But of course, all facades can be uncovered with time and careful studying."

"So you knew. This whole time."

"Yes."

"...And you said nothing."

"Was I supposed to?"

Now I knew he was toying with me; there was no way he had all this information and not once thought about revealing it, unless he had something planned for me. This guy was far worse than a psuedo-Tsundere; he was a complete sociopath!

And yet, his calm voice and soft eyes gave me the impression of a young man genuinely curious about me, even thoughtful of my feelings. Like a child given a loaded gun, he seemed unaware of if and when he was supposed to shoot. ...Like I said, completely psycho!

"So. Uh..." I started, though my thoughts were a bit jumbled at the time. "What now?"

"Well," he answered as he lay back into the couch while kicking up his feet, "I figured you'd want to keep up the disguise for your sister's sake. For that reason alone, I'm willing to keep your secret from everyone, including my friends."

"R-really?"

"Of course, there is one important issue."

"Which is...?"

"Kaoru."

"Oh." I gulped hard.

"I'm aware of his interest in you; hell, you'd have to be blind- or Tamaki- not to see it. The only thing I'm not sure of is where you stand on the matter."

"Um."

"So. Do you like him, or not?"

"I... uh... I dunno."

His eyes seemed to darken as he asked, "Is that really your answer?"

"I... um..."

"I see. Heh, well then, I suppose I should give you time to think it over. Far be it from me to put any pressure on you regarding your love life."

I was breathless; this guy had all the cards in his hand and he could have thrown them down at any moment. My whole reputation- my sister's reputation- was in his clutches. And he was just going to... let me go? "But... why?"

"I know we barely know each other, Haruka, but you seem like a nice kid. That's why I'm giving you a chance to be honest with Kaoru, and yourself. Like him or not, it's all up to you."

I was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, when he added, "But I must warn you." I held my breath. "Kaoru is a good friend of mine- someone I have high regards for. If you hurt him in any way... I might just be forced to do something... nasty."

Okay, there's the threat I was waiting for. Took him long enough. Still, it was no less frightening as I felt my knees get weak. I heard myself blurt out, "Oh-um-hm-yeah-okay." Geez, that felt pathetic.

Kyoya-Senpai gave me a nod. "Good, I'm glad that's settled. You're free to go now, Haruka- oh, pardon me, Mari."

I let out a small, pitiful laugh as I waved, "Buh-bye," before letting myself out the door. I couldn't tell you just how much sweat I left behind, but I know for certain that I felt three pounds lighter that evening.

..

..

 _ _The following afternoon, the Hitachiin Twins were on their way to Music Room 3 with a new plan of action regarding their newest client. "I think we scared her off yesterday," frowned Kaoru. "Maybe we should go a b it slower this time."__

 _" _Sure, I don't mind going back to first base with you."__

 _" _Hikaru, do you even know what the bases stand for?"__

 _" _Eh, I'm not a sports guy," admitted the elder twin as he opened the door.__

 _ _They were late to the party; some of the clients have already arrived- including one Mari Akiyama. She was sitting with her knees propped up on the couch, her body facing the opposite way of where she was supposed to be sitting. And with reason: she was staring blankly at Kyoya, who continued to work quietly in the corner.__

 _ _The lookalike redheads slid to the couch with their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders. "Hey there, Mari!" grinned Hikaru.__

 _" _Sorry we're late," added Kaoru with a matching grin. "We sort of got lost in each others' eyes."__

 _ _She remained stilled, not even flinching at the sound of their voices.__

 _" _Look," said Kaoru in a much calmer tone, "we're sorry if our little games are too much for you to enjoy."__

 _" _We'll be more than happy to tone it down a bit," echoed his brother. "We just want to make you happy."__

 _ _Still nothing from the girl whose back was turned to them.__

 _" _Uh... Mari?" peeped Kaoru worriedly. "Are you okay?"__

 _" _Hello! Earth to Mari-kun!" snapped Hikaru's fingers. "This is Ouran Station calling Mari! Are you there?"__

 _ _Still nothing.__

 _" _Come on, Mari... Please?" Kaoru, desperate for her attention now, pinched the girl's shoulder slightly.__

As if his touched activated me, I snapped out of my trance. "Huh?" I peeped as my eyes fluttered. I turned around slightly to gaze up on their matching amber eyes. "Oh. Hey, guys. Didn't see you there."

"Obviously," frowned Hikaru.

"Aren't you going to join us for the afternoon?" asked Kaoru.

"I can't. I'm busy stalking- I mean studying- Kyoya-Senpai."

" **Kyoya-Senpai?"**

"Yes." I looked back at the raven-haired teen who seemed oblivious to us. "He facinates me."

Hikaru turned to his twin and remarked, "The girl's a bit flip-floppy, don'tcha think?"

Concerned, Kaoru pressed the matter. "Mari, I thought we came to an understanding. I thought..."

"Shh, quiet!" I snapped. "Kyoya's about to say something!"

The three of us paused while The Shadow King rose to his feet, adjusting his glasses. "Attention, everyone!"

The club fell silent, and Kyoya had the floor.

"Due to the decrease in funds over the last two weeks, I have no choice but to cut a few things from our budget for a while. We'll start with Honey-Senpai's desert trays."

"Not my precious cakes!" whined the Lolita-boy.

"I'll allow one flavor per week, Honey-Senpai. No more or less."

"Awwww."

"Also, I think some more advertisements for our club are in order. Hikaru, Kaoru, you'll be in charge."

" **Sir!"** they saluted.

"Them?" gasped Tamaki. "What about me?"

"You'll be too busy working on some fresh new themes. You've got the creativity for it."

"Fine."

"Lastly, I need Haruhi to pick up the slack. Your clients have decreased, which tells me you're not keeping your end of our little... arrangement."

"Aw, come on Senpai, it's not my fault if my clients are so shallow."

"Whatever they ask for you, you do it. That's your job."

"But Senpai..." the girl in disguise started to protest, but a shot from his ice-cold eyes stunned her. Looking rather blue in the face, she bowed her head in submission. "Yes, sir."

"Very good. Carry on, everyone." Then Kyoya sat back down at his lone table.

"Awesome," I said softly. I was truly taken by Kyoya's leadership, especially by the way he could control a crowd with just his eyes. I had to master that technique myself! "Kaoru?"

"Uh, y-yes Mari?" he peeped.

I stood up from the couch to face him head on. With my best Kyoya impression, I declared, "From this moment on, my focus will be entirely set on Kyoya-Senpai. Our agreement is off."

Kaoru's jaw fell. "Wha? But, but I had all these ideas- all these games we could play. It was gonna be fun."

"My mind is made up. Kyoya will be my Host."

"You can't just switch Hosts like that! It's not..." He was probably going to say "fair," but he was cut off by the sudden icy glare from my eyes. Both he and Hikaru took a cautious step backward.

"I like Kyoya. He's my Host now. That is final."

Hesitating, Kaoru flinched slightly before both he and Hikaru bowed their heads in submission. **"Yes, ma'am."** Together they slowly walked to their table where their clients were waiting.

Taking me by surprise, Renge snuck up to my side and gave me a gentle elbow, followed by a sly smile. "You are learning."

I gave her a smile, then looked back at the Twins as they walked away, their hands in their pockets in perfect symnetry. Yet I couldn't help but notice that Kaoru's steps were just a tad slower than Hikaru's, and his head was lowered a bit toward the ground. And I knew who was to blame: me. Sure, I wanted to push him away, I wanted him to take the hint and back off. But I also felt sorry for him; I was a bit too harsh, and it hurt his feelings. It hurt me a bit as well.

Yes, in that moment... I was a Tsundere.

.

 ** **TBC****


End file.
